PART ONE

It was an early morning bar room,
And the place just opened up.
And the little man come in so fast and
Started at his cup.
And the broad who served the whisky
She was a big old friendly girl.
And she tried to fight her empty nights
By smilin’ at the world.

And she said “Hey Bub, It’s been awhile
Since you been around.
Where the hell you been hidin’ ?
And why you look so down ?”

But the little man just sat there like he’d never heard a sound.

The waitress she gave out a cough,
And acting not the least put off,
She spoke once again.

She said, “I don’t want to bother you,
Consider it’s understood.
I know I’m not no beauty queen,
But I sure can listen good.”

And the little man took his drink in his hand
And he raised it to his lips.
He took a couple of sips.
And he told the waitress this story.

“I am the midnight watchman down at Miller’s Tool and Die.
And I watch the metal rusting, and I watch the time go by.
A week ago at the diner I stopped to get a bite.
And this here lovely lady she sat two seats from my right.
And Lord, Lord, Lord she was alright.

“Oh she was so damned beautiful that she’d warm a winter’s frost.
But she was long past lonely, and well nigh unto lost.
Now I’m not much of a mover, or a pick-em-up easy guy,
But I decided to glide on over, and give her one good try.
And Lord, Lord, Lord she was worth a try.

“Tongued-tied like a school boy, I stammered out some words.
But it did not really matter much, ’cause I don’t think she heard.
She just looked clear on through me to a space back in my head.
And it shamed me into silence, as quietly she said,
‘If you want me to come with you, then that’s all right with me.
Cause I know I’m going nowhere, and anywhere’s a better place to be.
Anywhere’s a better place to be.’

“I drove her to my boarding house, and I took her up to my room.
And I went to turn on the only light to brighten up the gloom.
But she said, ‘Please leave the light off, Oh I don’t mind the dark.’
And as her clothes all tumbled ’round her, I could hear my heart.
The moonlight shown upon her as she lay back in my bed.
It was the kind of scene I only had imagined in my head.
I just could not believe it, to think that she was real.
And as I tried to tell her she said ‘Shhh.. I know just how you feel.
And if you want to come here with me, then that’s all right with me.
‘Cause I’ve been oh so lonely, lovin’ someone is a better way to be.
anywhere’s a better way to be.’

“The morning come so swiftly but I held her in my arms.
But she slept like a baby, snug and safe from harm.
I did not want to share her with the world or break the mood,
So before she woke I went out and brought us both some food.

“I came back with my paper bag, to find out she was gone.
She’d left a six word letter saying ‘It’s time that I moved on.'”

The waitress took a bar rag, and she wiped it across her eyes.
And as she spoke her voice came out as something like a sigh.
She said “I wish that I was beautiful, or that you were halfway blind.
And I wish I weren’t so dog-gone fat, I wish that you were mine.
And I wish that you’d come with me, when I leave for home.
For we both know all about loneliness, and livin’ all alone.”

And the little man,
Looked at the empty glass in his hand.
And he smiled a crooked grin,
He said, ” I guess I’m out of gin.
And know we both have been so lonely.
And if you want me to come with you, then that’s all right with me.
‘Cause I know I’m goin’ nowhere and anywhere’s a better place to be.”

I’ve posted this before and asked the question hundreds of times “is this a happy ending?”

I always say that there is no wrong answer.  There is however a right answer and she got it:

aweirdpoet (6/8/2006 12:04:01 AM): sad in that, it has the possibility of repeating the night before, and the guy moves on, and leaves it as a one night stand, but happy in that no, i take that back. this is a fucking depressing song. depressing is such a strong word
aweirdpoet (6/8/2006 12:04:14 AM): living day by day only looking for someone to love
aweirdpoet (6/8/2006 12:04:49 AM): and though he finds someone, its done you know. nothing more, nothing less

I think everyone at some point relates to the midnight watchman.  The problem is that sometimes we do pass along the cycle.  We get hurt and we hurt others, no matter how unintentionally, by not thinking far enough ahead.  There is no saying that the man is doing anything more to the waitress than what was done to him.

I’m rethinking the concept of friends with benefits.  Over the last two weeks I have been hurt by one and hurt two.  It is tough to be friends with someone who you want to be more than friends with once the benfits go away.  I guess to some extent it is a connection.  To some extent you might hope that they will fall for you because of it.  When they don’t you leave feeling inadequate, when it was never about that in the first place.

In the end no one really is a winner.  We have all rejected someone else and we have all been rejected.  In the future I will work more on treating the people I care about with more respect than to let them think it might be more.  I hope I handle it as well as it was handled with me.  If I hurt you I am sorry.

I haven’t been here too much, but that is because a couple incredible women I met on here pulled me to the darkside.  Feel free to come visit my Myspace sometime.

Part Two

So while I do wish I didn’t hurt anyone, I have to admit that I am as happy as i thik I have ever been in my life.  Wanted to tell someone in person rather than over a blog first.  Life is going about perfect.  For anyone still reading this you might have noticed the commetnts of some different folks lately.  They are both incredible people I met through here of all places.  I want to keep them both around for along time.  Hopefully one of them forever.  Here is how I described it on my myspace.

Doesn’t get any better than this

What can I say life is Damn near perfect.  Why?  Glad you asked.  Let me tell you about the top three things in ascending order.

3) Work

Work has been slow and I have been getting some bad breaks.  Waiting tables you have to anticipate things like this.  I’ve always felt that what was important was trying to put yourself in a  position minimize the bad breaks and know that your managers really wanted you to stick around.  I am working on minimizing the bad breaks and the management has shown they want to keep me around.  Got offered not one but two promotions.  First they are making me a trainer after only being there a couple months.  Never cared much for training, but it will get me my pick of sections whether I am training or not.  Second, they are making me the events coordinator.  This kicks ass because I will get to market the restaurant (I miss marketing) and handle all inquiries aabout large private parties.  This is pretty cool cuz I get 2% of anything I book and if I play my cards right will probably be requested as a server.  With a $1400 room minimum for our small rooms, 20% grat, and 2-3 parties a night during wedding and Christmas season this could become pretty lucrative pretty fast.  It also means that I don’t stop serving to make the money.  Woo Hoo.

2) Marcy (aka the girl formerly known as Amber)

I don’t make alot of new friends. I make acquaintances daily, but seldom do I consider them friends.  Marcy rocks though.  She is a blast to hang around, we make each other laugh, she likes ultimate fighting, and she always loses bets.  Haven’t had a good female “just friend” in a long time, especially a girly one.  My cuticles look better already and I may even get a tan (She lives 28 miles closer to the sun than I do).  Yes you can be just friends with a beautiful woman, but only if she is this cool.

1) Julie (aka Ju or my personally preference The girl hopefully to be known as JAH)

Back in January I started a Xanga (my blog dates back much further there as guyfromkc64118 for those of you with longer attention spans than I).  i found a BT blogring.  I joined.  The only other memebr was an 18 year old girl from TX.  I dropped her a comment and she dropped me one back.  Never heard from her again.  Then I decided to go to a BT show in Denver and left her a message to brag.  It started a string of messages that lead to chatting.  Was just talking to her to complain about something (can’t remember what)  and we started talking about BT.  Then it started innocently enough:

 aweirdpoet (6/7/2006 1:42:14 AM): its ashame you are in kansas or whereever, cuz you seem like a cool enough guy

Really didn’t think much of it at the time, but we kept talking a few hours more of loving everything I was learning let to scrapping the Denver show and this:

aweirdpoet (6/7/2006 5:43:05 AM): july 24th they are in houston
guyfromkc64118 (6/7/2006 5:43:18 AM): and the next night in little rock
guyfromkc64118 (6/7/2006 5:43:40 AM): I could concievably do that instead of red rocks
guyfromkc64118 (6/7/2006 5:43:51 AM): better move financially
aweirdpoet (6/7/2006 5:44:03 AM): i dont want you to miss red rocks. those shows are legendary
guyfromkc64118 (6/7/2006 5:44:37 AM): so is a girl with a black cat on her shoulder and a sales pitch
aweirdpoet (6/7/2006 5:44:46 AM): ^.^
aweirdpoet (6/7/2006 5:45:18 AM): yay
guyfromkc64118 (6/7/2006 5:47:02 AM): That actually works better into my schedule too
aweirdpoet (6/7/2006 5:47:19 AM): but its red rocks!!!
guyfromkc64118 (6/7/2006 5:47:22 AM): but Red Rocks is sooner. My reason for trying to get you to that one
aweirdpoet (6/7/2006 5:47:40 AM): oo la la
guyfromkc64118 (6/7/2006 5:48:25 AM): come on, by the end of next month you will already be madly in love with me
aweirdpoet (6/7/2006 5:48:39 AM): lol
aweirdpoet (6/7/2006 5:48:42 AM): naturally
guyfromkc64118 (6/7/2006 5:49:12 AM): or something like that
aweirdpoet (6/7/2006 5:49:17 AM): lol

Who Knew?  I spent the whole next day thinking about her.  I couldn’t help it.  How could there be someone so much like me?  Why did she have to be 18 and 13 hours away?  Our next conversation started something like this:

guyfromkc64118 (6/7/2006 10:36:47 PM): Amber who?
guyfromkc64118 (6/7/2006 10:36:57 PM): that is my phrase of the day
aweirdpoet (6/7/2006 10:37:40 PM): thats good. able to get past the hopeless optimism
guyfromkc64118 (6/7/2006 10:37:54 PM): no, but that one
guyfromkc64118 (6/7/2006 10:38:51 PM): otherwise I wouldn’t be able to say that at 20mpg and $3/gallon it would take $228 to drive to beaumont Tx
aweirdpoet (6/7/2006 10:39:16 PM): ^.^
aweirdpoet (6/7/2006 10:39:35 PM): so what are you trying to say? lol
guyfromkc64118 (6/7/2006 10:40:05 PM): that I spent a fair amount of my day trying to figure out when a trip fits into the budget
guyfromkc64118 (6/7/2006 10:40:23 PM): silly, but hopelessly optimistic
aweirdpoet (6/7/2006 10:40:51 PM): its not just silly, its insane!! lol
guyfromkc64118 (6/7/2006 10:41:26 PM): in an endearing way or in a restraining order way? There is a thin line between the two
aweirdpoet (6/7/2006 10:41:49 PM): lmao
guyfromkc64118 (6/7/2006 10:42:03 PM): that isn’t an answer
aweirdpoet (6/7/2006 10:42:24 PM): i don’t know yet lol

I think she knows the answer now.  Almost every waking moment of my life not dedicated to making money to see her is spent finding out remarkable things about her.  I keep being asked if I am moving to fast.  I think I excercise a great deal of restraint not running to her when every fiber of my being tells me it is the right thing to do.  I don’t really think about seeing her as much now as I do about being with her.  The day (dec at the earliest) when she feels safe taking the leap to be with me.  Every action I take is designed to make that happen the right way.

I never expected this.  I know it wasn’t what I was looking for, but sometimes we can’t expect the universe to give us what we want.  If we are lucky, it gives us what we need and what we deserve.   Not sure what I did to deserve her, but I know I want to spend everyday I can making her smile.

She makes me view the world as a better place.  She makes me smile.  She inspires me to move mountains.  She makes me feel like I can fly. She makes me wish I could dance.  She makes me not care that I look stupid doing it.  She makes me think of a future with her.  She makes me cry tears of joy.  She makes my heart soar.  She makes me love her.

Yep, think I am going to marry this one.  Think we will raise some great kids together.  Think I have found my happily ever after.  I know that I will do everything I can to make this work.

I know I love her and that my life will never be the same for having met her.

On the way home from work I heard a song that made me happy enough to cry.  Listened to it a million times, quoted a different verse the first time we chatted, prayed that it was true.  Now I know it is:

“And when I finally gave up that I’ld never know love, she was standing right in front of me.  Love will arrive in it’s own damn time on the greatest night of your life.” – Bob Walkenhorst