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PART ONE

It was an early morning bar room,
And the place just opened up.
And the little man come in so fast and
Started at his cup.
And the broad who served the whisky
She was a big old friendly girl.
And she tried to fight her empty nights
By smilin’ at the world.

And she said “Hey Bub, It’s been awhile
Since you been around.
Where the hell you been hidin’ ?
And why you look so down ?”

But the little man just sat there like he’d never heard a sound.

The waitress she gave out a cough,
And acting not the least put off,
She spoke once again.

She said, “I don’t want to bother you,
Consider it’s understood.
I know I’m not no beauty queen,
But I sure can listen good.”

And the little man took his drink in his hand
And he raised it to his lips.
He took a couple of sips.
And he told the waitress this story.

“I am the midnight watchman down at Miller’s Tool and Die.
And I watch the metal rusting, and I watch the time go by.
A week ago at the diner I stopped to get a bite.
And this here lovely lady she sat two seats from my right.
And Lord, Lord, Lord she was alright.

“Oh she was so damned beautiful that she’d warm a winter’s frost.
But she was long past lonely, and well nigh unto lost.
Now I’m not much of a mover, or a pick-em-up easy guy,
But I decided to glide on over, and give her one good try.
And Lord, Lord, Lord she was worth a try.

“Tongued-tied like a school boy, I stammered out some words.
But it did not really matter much, ’cause I don’t think she heard.
She just looked clear on through me to a space back in my head.
And it shamed me into silence, as quietly she said,
‘If you want me to come with you, then that’s all right with me.
Cause I know I’m going nowhere, and anywhere’s a better place to be.
Anywhere’s a better place to be.’

“I drove her to my boarding house, and I took her up to my room.
And I went to turn on the only light to brighten up the gloom.
But she said, ‘Please leave the light off, Oh I don’t mind the dark.’
And as her clothes all tumbled ’round her, I could hear my heart.
The moonlight shown upon her as she lay back in my bed.
It was the kind of scene I only had imagined in my head.
I just could not believe it, to think that she was real.
And as I tried to tell her she said ‘Shhh.. I know just how you feel.
And if you want to come here with me, then that’s all right with me.
‘Cause I’ve been oh so lonely, lovin’ someone is a better way to be.
anywhere’s a better way to be.’

“The morning come so swiftly but I held her in my arms.
But she slept like a baby, snug and safe from harm.
I did not want to share her with the world or break the mood,
So before she woke I went out and brought us both some food.

“I came back with my paper bag, to find out she was gone.
She’d left a six word letter saying ‘It’s time that I moved on.'”

The waitress took a bar rag, and she wiped it across her eyes.
And as she spoke her voice came out as something like a sigh.
She said “I wish that I was beautiful, or that you were halfway blind.
And I wish I weren’t so dog-gone fat, I wish that you were mine.
And I wish that you’d come with me, when I leave for home.
For we both know all about loneliness, and livin’ all alone.”

And the little man,
Looked at the empty glass in his hand.
And he smiled a crooked grin,
He said, ” I guess I’m out of gin.
And know we both have been so lonely.
And if you want me to come with you, then that’s all right with me.
‘Cause I know I’m goin’ nowhere and anywhere’s a better place to be.”

I’ve posted this before and asked the question hundreds of times “is this a happy ending?”

I always say that there is no wrong answer.  There is however a right answer and she got it:

aweirdpoet (6/8/2006 12:04:01 AM): sad in that, it has the possibility of repeating the night before, and the guy moves on, and leaves it as a one night stand, but happy in that no, i take that back. this is a fucking depressing song. depressing is such a strong word
aweirdpoet (6/8/2006 12:04:14 AM): living day by day only looking for someone to love
aweirdpoet (6/8/2006 12:04:49 AM): and though he finds someone, its done you know. nothing more, nothing less

I think everyone at some point relates to the midnight watchman.  The problem is that sometimes we do pass along the cycle.  We get hurt and we hurt others, no matter how unintentionally, by not thinking far enough ahead.  There is no saying that the man is doing anything more to the waitress than what was done to him.

I’m rethinking the concept of friends with benefits.  Over the last two weeks I have been hurt by one and hurt two.  It is tough to be friends with someone who you want to be more than friends with once the benfits go away.  I guess to some extent it is a connection.  To some extent you might hope that they will fall for you because of it.  When they don’t you leave feeling inadequate, when it was never about that in the first place.

In the end no one really is a winner.  We have all rejected someone else and we have all been rejected.  In the future I will work more on treating the people I care about with more respect than to let them think it might be more.  I hope I handle it as well as it was handled with me.  If I hurt you I am sorry.

I haven’t been here too much, but that is because a couple incredible women I met on here pulled me to the darkside.  Feel free to come visit my Myspace sometime.

Part Two

So while I do wish I didn’t hurt anyone, I have to admit that I am as happy as i thik I have ever been in my life.  Wanted to tell someone in person rather than over a blog first.  Life is going about perfect.  For anyone still reading this you might have noticed the commetnts of some different folks lately.  They are both incredible people I met through here of all places.  I want to keep them both around for along time.  Hopefully one of them forever.  Here is how I described it on my myspace.

Doesn’t get any better than this

What can I say life is Damn near perfect.  Why?  Glad you asked.  Let me tell you about the top three things in ascending order.

3) Work

Work has been slow and I have been getting some bad breaks.  Waiting tables you have to anticipate things like this.  I’ve always felt that what was important was trying to put yourself in a  position minimize the bad breaks and know that your managers really wanted you to stick around.  I am working on minimizing the bad breaks and the management has shown they want to keep me around.  Got offered not one but two promotions.  First they are making me a trainer after only being there a couple months.  Never cared much for training, but it will get me my pick of sections whether I am training or not.  Second, they are making me the events coordinator.  This kicks ass because I will get to market the restaurant (I miss marketing) and handle all inquiries aabout large private parties.  This is pretty cool cuz I get 2% of anything I book and if I play my cards right will probably be requested as a server.  With a $1400 room minimum for our small rooms, 20% grat, and 2-3 parties a night during wedding and Christmas season this could become pretty lucrative pretty fast.  It also means that I don’t stop serving to make the money.  Woo Hoo.

2) Marcy (aka the girl formerly known as Amber)

I don’t make alot of new friends. I make acquaintances daily, but seldom do I consider them friends.  Marcy rocks though.  She is a blast to hang around, we make each other laugh, she likes ultimate fighting, and she always loses bets.  Haven’t had a good female “just friend” in a long time, especially a girly one.  My cuticles look better already and I may even get a tan (She lives 28 miles closer to the sun than I do).  Yes you can be just friends with a beautiful woman, but only if she is this cool.

1) Julie (aka Ju or my personally preference The girl hopefully to be known as JAH)

Back in January I started a Xanga (my blog dates back much further there as guyfromkc64118 for those of you with longer attention spans than I).  i found a BT blogring.  I joined.  The only other memebr was an 18 year old girl from TX.  I dropped her a comment and she dropped me one back.  Never heard from her again.  Then I decided to go to a BT show in Denver and left her a message to brag.  It started a string of messages that lead to chatting.  Was just talking to her to complain about something (can’t remember what)  and we started talking about BT.  Then it started innocently enough:

 aweirdpoet (6/7/2006 1:42:14 AM): its ashame you are in kansas or whereever, cuz you seem like a cool enough guy

Really didn’t think much of it at the time, but we kept talking a few hours more of loving everything I was learning let to scrapping the Denver show and this:

aweirdpoet (6/7/2006 5:43:05 AM): july 24th they are in houston
guyfromkc64118 (6/7/2006 5:43:18 AM): and the next night in little rock
guyfromkc64118 (6/7/2006 5:43:40 AM): I could concievably do that instead of red rocks
guyfromkc64118 (6/7/2006 5:43:51 AM): better move financially
aweirdpoet (6/7/2006 5:44:03 AM): i dont want you to miss red rocks. those shows are legendary
guyfromkc64118 (6/7/2006 5:44:37 AM): so is a girl with a black cat on her shoulder and a sales pitch
aweirdpoet (6/7/2006 5:44:46 AM): ^.^
aweirdpoet (6/7/2006 5:45:18 AM): yay
guyfromkc64118 (6/7/2006 5:47:02 AM): That actually works better into my schedule too
aweirdpoet (6/7/2006 5:47:19 AM): but its red rocks!!!
guyfromkc64118 (6/7/2006 5:47:22 AM): but Red Rocks is sooner. My reason for trying to get you to that one
aweirdpoet (6/7/2006 5:47:40 AM): oo la la
guyfromkc64118 (6/7/2006 5:48:25 AM): come on, by the end of next month you will already be madly in love with me
aweirdpoet (6/7/2006 5:48:39 AM): lol
aweirdpoet (6/7/2006 5:48:42 AM): naturally
guyfromkc64118 (6/7/2006 5:49:12 AM): or something like that
aweirdpoet (6/7/2006 5:49:17 AM): lol

Who Knew?  I spent the whole next day thinking about her.  I couldn’t help it.  How could there be someone so much like me?  Why did she have to be 18 and 13 hours away?  Our next conversation started something like this:

guyfromkc64118 (6/7/2006 10:36:47 PM): Amber who?
guyfromkc64118 (6/7/2006 10:36:57 PM): that is my phrase of the day
aweirdpoet (6/7/2006 10:37:40 PM): thats good. able to get past the hopeless optimism
guyfromkc64118 (6/7/2006 10:37:54 PM): no, but that one
guyfromkc64118 (6/7/2006 10:38:51 PM): otherwise I wouldn’t be able to say that at 20mpg and $3/gallon it would take $228 to drive to beaumont Tx
aweirdpoet (6/7/2006 10:39:16 PM): ^.^
aweirdpoet (6/7/2006 10:39:35 PM): so what are you trying to say? lol
guyfromkc64118 (6/7/2006 10:40:05 PM): that I spent a fair amount of my day trying to figure out when a trip fits into the budget
guyfromkc64118 (6/7/2006 10:40:23 PM): silly, but hopelessly optimistic
aweirdpoet (6/7/2006 10:40:51 PM): its not just silly, its insane!! lol
guyfromkc64118 (6/7/2006 10:41:26 PM): in an endearing way or in a restraining order way? There is a thin line between the two
aweirdpoet (6/7/2006 10:41:49 PM): lmao
guyfromkc64118 (6/7/2006 10:42:03 PM): that isn’t an answer
aweirdpoet (6/7/2006 10:42:24 PM): i don’t know yet lol

I think she knows the answer now.  Almost every waking moment of my life not dedicated to making money to see her is spent finding out remarkable things about her.  I keep being asked if I am moving to fast.  I think I excercise a great deal of restraint not running to her when every fiber of my being tells me it is the right thing to do.  I don’t really think about seeing her as much now as I do about being with her.  The day (dec at the earliest) when she feels safe taking the leap to be with me.  Every action I take is designed to make that happen the right way.

I never expected this.  I know it wasn’t what I was looking for, but sometimes we can’t expect the universe to give us what we want.  If we are lucky, it gives us what we need and what we deserve.   Not sure what I did to deserve her, but I know I want to spend everyday I can making her smile.

She makes me view the world as a better place.  She makes me smile.  She inspires me to move mountains.  She makes me feel like I can fly. She makes me wish I could dance.  She makes me not care that I look stupid doing it.  She makes me think of a future with her.  She makes me cry tears of joy.  She makes my heart soar.  She makes me love her.

Yep, think I am going to marry this one.  Think we will raise some great kids together.  Think I have found my happily ever after.  I know that I will do everything I can to make this work.

I know I love her and that my life will never be the same for having met her.

On the way home from work I heard a song that made me happy enough to cry.  Listened to it a million times, quoted a different verse the first time we chatted, prayed that it was true.  Now I know it is:

“And when I finally gave up that I’ld never know love, she was standing right in front of me.  Love will arrive in it’s own damn time on the greatest night of your life.” – Bob Walkenhorst

2 updates in 2 days.

So at every major awards show they have a system for when the stars stepaway.  They have people on standby who rush to the seats to make sure the TV audience doesn’t see any empty seats.  These seatfillers get paid to go and watch the show.  I mean how cool is that to fill in a seat in the second row of the Oscars.  To sit down next to a star.  To be a part of the show.  I can imagine it is a weird feeling.  The natural tendency has to be at somepoint to start dayreaming like you belong.  Even though you know with every shred of logic you have that it won’t happen, you hold your breath wondering if your name is going to be called.  Totally an unfair and irrational expectation, but it builds upon itself.  You start believing that you belong, right before someone taps on your shoulder to wake you up and says “you’re sitting in my seat.”  It’s a long walk to the back of the auditorium from the second row.  Everybody  you pass knew why you were here and you did to on the way down.  You go back to the waiting room with the rest of the fillers.

After the show I’m sure everyone else thinks it was great that you got to go, but the best you can manage in reply is, “yeah, I guess so.” You know you can only blame yourself you were the one daydraming, but the lure of minimum wage and free donuts was too much to resist. 

Edit: I thought up a title while thinking of someone who could figure out what it means 😉

Life is pretty good I guess.  Work has been a bit of stress lately, but after having two days off in a row I am ready to get back to it.  13 things on my to do list today.  7 down and 6 to go so I am kinda on a roll.

Felicia is amber, but not alone yet.

Contentment is a funny thing.  So many times we worry about what we want or what we could have while ignoring and often sacrificing what is there.  It is insticntive to want more of a good thing I suppose, but how often does it lead to happiness?  It is amazing how many times it has caused me problems.  This buzz is nice, another round, shot, toke, etc would therefore make it even better.  Sometimes leaving well enough alone means sacrificing more for the preservation of enough.

Sleep is a good thing i have not treated myself to enough of.  As is food.  After 2 meals and about 18 hours in the last five days I think I am going to treat myself to both.  Even bought new sheets for my bed.  Haven’t had a chance to use them yet, but boy do they look comfy.

Burnt the crap out of my hand last night.  Starting to look pretty bad.  🙁 

Going to a wedding at the end of the month.  Seems like every vacation I have taken the past few summers was to one persons wedding or another.  I really wish these things were one day affairs anymore.  This one has a rehersal on Wed, couples party on Thurs, Bach parties on Fri, and Wedding Sat.  That means taking off 5 days and staying at a hotel for 4.  I am an usher so technically I could probably get away with just showing up on Sat, but I am sure there are stories to be found on Wed and Thurs.  Haven’t quite decided what to do, but I am off to get fitted for a tux.

I was listening to Suzanne Vega sing a cover of Cassidy by the dead today and it’s beauty struck me again.  If you don’t know the story of Neil Cassady, you really are missing out. A contemporary of Kerouak and partner to Kessey who later lived with the dead at 710 Ashbury.  An influential figure who died to soon, but lived remarkable life.  The final verse was written as advise from his legacy to a child named after him, but born after his death:

Faring thee well now.
Let your life proceed by its own design.
Nothing to tell now.
Let the words be yours, I’m done with mine.

Still alive.  Work has been keeping me pretty busy and in general I am trying to focus on being more productive and spending less time in front of a computer.  Life is pretty good all and all.  I look at the things I have been through in the last year and am quite happy with how I survived.  The last year and a half has been a real growing period of trying to discover what I want and finding that it isn’t always the obvious.  Starting with the drama upon leaving Hooters. Cinzettis, and Tuesdays.  “Your not good enough for me” girl, “Did I mention I fucked three other guys while we were together?” girl, and of course the “I can’t date you because you’re not a Christian” girl.  The DWI, The Audit, the property tax debacle.  Making less than I ever had and getting hit with an insurmountable wave of shit.  I’m still standing.  I have money in my pocket that I don’t owe to anyone.  The audit will be done shortly and I can go back to working with my dad for real live money.  Taking my test next month so I can make real money when I do.  A side job that I dig and am still making twice what I was when I went through all the financial challenges.  Toss handling it while just being shy of 8 months of sobriety.  Not a single drink, no slips, no sips, nothing.  So much has happened that I am proud I made it through. 

The last couple weeks I slowly opened boxes from every move i have made since 99.  8 different places in 7 different cities.  Each move everything just went into a box.  To find anything I would have to dig until I found the last time I remember seeing it moves box and search through it.  I sorted out the closed up boxes of my past literally and metaphorically in some ways.  Trash bags full of stuff I should have never thought was important enough to throw away at the time and I was still carrying around today.  It works on both level.  Sometime we need to decide what is really important and hold onto it.  Everything else is just clutter and makes it tougher to find the stuff that matters.

I can see this transition phase coming to an end.  The obstacles to doing what I want to do are gone now.  It really is quite terrifying.  Now the only thing that stops the plan is me.  Taking total responsibility for your life is a pretty scary concept.  I am ready though.  It’s time to make things happen.

To celebrate the transition I have made a decission.  Blues Traveler plays their annual show every year at Red Rocks in Denver.  It is an annual gathering and a huge 4 hour long show.  Every Year for the past 11 years on the 4th of july I have wished I was there.  This year I am just going.  Come hell or high waters I will be at red rocks.  I am quite ready to go by myself and dance for 4 straight hours if I have to.  But I will be there.

As for recently.  Had a Felicia moment the last couple of nights.  Figured it out early enough to avoid the fall.

I Drove home repeating this song often, a mantra if you will

Life I embrace you
I shall honor and disgrace you
Please forgive if I replace you
You see I’m going through some pain
But now I see clearly
And the dawn is coming nearly
And though I’m human and it’s early
I swear I’ll never forget again

Feel free to comment.  I usually read them more frequently than I update

I think my last post got a little too much about finances and how they were making me happy.  Well there are things besides money that make me happy.  This is a nice stream of consciousness list.

Blues Traveler:  This always makes me happy.  Some of the greatest moments in my life were at BT shows.  For those who have seen Citizen Kane if I ever have a rosebud moment at my death it will probably be the name of a BT song thinking back at a show.

Love Monkey: I loved ED and Tom Cavanaugh may actually be my favorite actor right now.  The guy is a strange mix of John Cusack and John Favreau.  The show was canceled, but VH1 brought it back to at least play the rest of the season.  One of the highlights of my week.

Teddy Geiger: Yeah not really my style of music at all.  He is the character central to a subplot in Love Monkey.  For you I will (confidence) is a really kick ass song for being so anti kick ass.

The New Job: Yeah still kicking ass.  Started server training today.  They pretty much showed me how to ring and order then my trainer just let me take tables in rotation.  Really beats following around some 18 year old girl who had been waiting tables for three months (had to do that before).  Won tickets to the Royals game friday that the manager was giving out from a big block for a bunch of people at work.  Should be fun.  Assuming I pass my tests I start on the floor Friday.

King of Cars:  I’m getting hooked.  I want to go sell cars.  I think I would be a kickass car salesman.  Hell I sold a freaking half million dollars in hotel rooms in one day.  Don’t think I will be intimidated by the product.  The hours suck though.  I guess I will stick to glasses of wine.

Talk Radio:  I have been listening to constant talk radio.  It is good to engage your mind throughout the day.  I miss O&A.

Opie and Anthony:  I have been listening to these guys since I lived in CA.  Then the got cancelled for pulling off a stunt where a couple had sex in a catholic church on a high holy day.  Doh.  I got Sirius when I thought they were going there.  I got it yanked out and XM installed when they went there.  I got it disconnected when I was losing my license.  Soon I will have it back though and in the mean time I got www.oavirus.com Thousands of hours of O&A broken up by bit.

My Cousins: I got to hang out with my cousins this weekend.  They are so cool.  I really wouldn’t mind having some kids of my own.  I just kinda think it would be good to find the mother first.  I know alot of people who did it the other way around and it didn’t work out well.  So far my search hasn’t been particuarly successful, but that doesn’t lead to a change in strategy.

This is definately a limited list, but I am certainly grateful for these and many other things.

I started the new job yesterday and it seems to be going pretty well.  I’m kinda digging the service style and atmosphere.  The thing I really noticed on my first shift is that I didn’t see the first sign of workplace drama.  This makes me happy.  I also think that since the staff is older I will fit in just a little bit better.  After working last night and today the money seems to be pretty absurd and everyone keeps assuring me that this is the slow time of the year.  This makes me even more happy.

I was a bit worried when I started about having to start out as a server assistant.  It’s not the ego issue of it (ok maybe a little) but more the fear that I would end up stuck there making far less than I deserved.  I got told yesterday that I would do one week of training as an assistant and then start my server training next week.  This means I will be on the floor for the end of prom season, graduation, and mothers day.  Again, very happy camper.  Even the non smoking thing doesn’t seem to suck too bad.  The orange flavored nicorette gum is actually pretty tasty.

I guess what makes me happiest is that even in training I have been getting a little bit of tip out kicked back.  Not a huge amount by any means, but it is cashflow.  I hate/detest/despise being broke more than anything.  I was really close to having to hit up the folks for money, but the last couple days tip out has been enough to buy rooster boosters, smokes, and even treat myself to Mc Donalds.  After finally shelling out a few grand in the last few months for court, taxes, car tags, my savings was wiped.  Just the ability to go buy a coke and a candy bar is a refreshing change.  Pretty soon it will start shifting back to normal Dave spending patterns (eating out every meal, $200 dates, strip club visits that get terribly out of hand) but for now a frozen slushee at QT is a pretty good feeling.  When I quit drinking I had to throw some variety into my beverage consumption.  I think I have found the perfect mix with 3/8 Rooster Booster, 1/8 white cherry, 2/8 rooster booster, 2/8 green apple.  Yummy

Speaking of which I think I will go get one now.   

Office Depot CEO Steve Odland remembers like it was yesterday working in an upscale French restaurant in Denver.

The purple sorbet in cut glass he was serving tumbled onto the expensive white gown of an obviously rich and important woman. “I watched in slow motion ruining her dress for the evening,” Odland says. “I thought I would be shot on sight.”

Thirty years have passed, but Odland can’t get the stain out of his mind, nor the woman’s kind reaction. She was startled, regained composure and, in a reassuring voice, told the teenage Odland, “It’s OK. It wasn’t your fault.” When she left the restaurant, she also left the future Fortune 500 CEO with a life lesson: You can tell a lot about a person by the way he or she treats the waiter.

Odland isn’t the only CEO to have made this discovery. Rather, it seems to be one of those rare laws of the land that every CEO learns on the way up. It’s hard to get a dozen CEOs to agree about anything, but all interviewed agree with the Waiter Rule.

They acknowledge that CEOs live in a Lake Wobegon world where every dinner or lunch partner is above average in their deference. How others treat the CEO says nothing, they say. But how others treat the waiter is like a magical window into the soul.

And beware of anyone who pulls out the power card to say something like, “I could buy this place and fire you,” or “I know the owner and I could have you fired.” Those who say such things have revealed more about their character than about their wealth and power.

Whoever came up with the waiter observation “is bang spot on,” says BMW North America President Tom Purves, a native of Scotland, a citizen of the United Kingdom and Northern Ireland, who lives in New York City with his Norwegian wife, Hilde, and works for a German company. That makes him qualified to speak on different cultures, and he says the waiter theory is true everywhere.

The CEO who came up with it, or at least first wrote it down, is Raytheon CEO Bill Swanson. He wrote a booklet of 33 short leadership observations called Swanson’s Unwritten Rules of Management. Raytheon has given away 250,000 of the books.

Among those 33 rules is only one that Swanson says never fails: “A person who is nice to you but rude to the waiter, or to others, is not a nice person.”

Swanson says he first noticed this in the 1970s when he was eating with a man who became “absolutely obnoxious” to a waiter because the restaurant did not stock a particular wine.

“Watch out for people who have a situational value system, who can turn the charm on and off depending on the status of the person they are interacting with,” Swanson writes. “Be especially wary of those who are rude to people perceived to be in subordinate roles.”

The Waiter Rule also applies to the way people treat hotel maids, mailroom clerks, bellmen and security guards. Au Bon Pain co-founder Ron Shaich, now CEO of Panera Bread, says he was interviewing a candidate for general counsel in St. Louis. She was “sweet” to Shaich but turned “amazingly rude” to someone cleaning the tables, Shaich says. She didn’t get the job.

Shaich says any time candidates are being considered for executive positions at Panera Bread, he asks his assistant, Laura Parisi, how they treated her, because some applicants are “pushy, self-absorbed and rude” to her before she transfers the call to him.

Just about every CEO has a waiter story to tell. Dave Gould, CEO of Witness Systems, experienced the rule firsthand when a waitress dumped a full glass of red wine on the expensive suit of another CEO during a contract negotiation. The victim CEO put her at ease with a joke about not having had time to shower that morning. A few days later, when there was an apparent impasse during negotiations, Gould trusted that CEO to have the character to work out any differences.

CEOs who blow up at waiters have an ego out of control, Gould says. “They’re saying, ‘I’m better. I’m smarter.’ Those people tend not to be collaborative.”

“To some people, speaking in a condescending manner makes them feel important, which to me is a total turnoff,” says Seymour Holtzman, chairman of Casual Male Retail Group, which operates big-and-tall men’s clothing stores including Casual Male XL.

How people were raised

Such behavior is an accurate predictor of character because it isn’t easily learned or unlearned but rather speaks to how people were raised, says Siki Giunta, CEO of U.S. technology company Managed Objects, a native of Rome who once worked as a London bartender.

More recently, she had a boss who would not speak directly to the waiter but would tell his assistant what he wanted to eat, and the assistant would tell the waiter in a comical three-way display of pomposity. What did Giunta learn about his character? “That he was demanding and could not function well without a lot of hand-holding from his support system,” she said.

It’s somewhat telling, Giunta says, that the more elegant the restaurant, the more distant and invisible the wait staff is. As if the more important the customer, the less the wait staff matters. People view waiters as their temporary personal employees. Therefore, how executives treat waiters probably demonstrates how they treat their actual employees, says Sara Lee CEO Brenda Barnes, a former waitress and postal clerk, who says she is a demanding boss but never shouts at or demeans an employee.

“Sitting in the chair of CEO makes me no better of a person than the forklift operator in our plant,” she says. “If you treat the waiter, or a subordinate, like garbage, guess what? Are they going to give it their all? I don’t think so.”

CEOs aren’t the only ones who have discovered the Waiter Rule. A November survey of 2,500 by It’s Just Lunch, a dating service for professionals, found that being rude to waiters ranks No. 1 as the worst in dining etiquette, at 52%, way ahead of blowing your nose at the table, at 35%.

Waiters say that early in a relationship, women will pull them aside to see how much their dates tipped, to get a read on their frugality and other tendencies. They are increasingly discussing boorish behavior by important customers at www.waiterrant.net and other blogs. They don’t seem to mind the demanding customer, such as those who want meals prepared differently because of high blood pressure. But they have contempt for the arrogant customer.

Rule works with celebrities, too

The Waiter Rule also applies to celebrities, says Jimmy Rosemond, CEO of agency Czar Entertainment, who has brokered deals for Mike Tyson, Mario Winans and Guerilla Black. Rosemond declines to name names, but he remembers one dinner episode in Houston a few years back with a rude divisional president of a major music company.

When dinner was over, Rosemond felt compelled to apologize to the waiter on the way out. “I said, ‘Please forgive my friend for acting like that.’ It’s embarrassing. They go into rages for simple mistakes like forgetting an order.”

Rosemond says that particular music executive also treated his assistants and interns poorly – and was eventually fired.

Odland says he saw all types of people 30 years ago as a busboy. “People treated me wonderfully and others treated me like dirt. There were a lot of ugly people. I didn’t have the money or the CEO title at the time, but I had the same intelligence and raw ability as I have today.

“Why would people treat me differently? Your value system and ethics need to be constant at all times regardless of who you are dealing with.”

Holtzman grew up in the coal-mining town of Wilkes-Barre, Pa., and in the 1950s saw opportunity as a waiter 90 miles away in the Catskill Mountains, where customers did not tip until the end of the week. When they tipped poorly, he would say: “Sir, will you and your wife be tipping separately?”

“I saw a lot of character, or the lack thereof,” says Holtzman, who says he can still carry three dishes in his right hand and two in his left.

“But for some twist of fate in life, they’re the waiter and you’re the one being waited on,” Barnes says.

So down below is another update.  I recommend all my loyal readers (all five of you) read both.

I was initially going to leave this story as a comment for someone.  I thought though that if there is much I have learned about life and that is truly what i hope to document here, this is probably a story i should share.  It’s a tough story to share, but it is a good message for all.  Most of my friends don’t know this story and I’m not sure any of my family does.

My grandmother was definately one of the most influential people in my life.  Not sure quite how to express this topic, but sufficent to say coming up on the fifth anniversary of her death, I still miss her everyday.

She had been sick for a while.  A smoker (yeah i know) she had a variety of lung ailments and while mentally sharp she was physically deteriorating.  Before she died I was living in California.  I had come home to visit and went to see her right before I left.  We talked, I always had the best times just sitting and talking to her.  As I was leaving she gave me a very long hug.  Crying she told me, “I always want you to remember, life never gives you more than you can handle.”  I walked away that day feeling different.  I knew she was sick, but you never think it will be the last time you see someone you love, but she already knew.

When I got back to CA there was a message from my sis.  I saw it on the caller ID and didn’t bother returning her call.  I figured she just wanted to make sure I got home OK.  It had been a long day i decided to return the call in the morning.  She called back and told me that my grandma had gone off her medicine uped her pain medication and would not last much longer.  I was angry at first that she had done this the night I left.  Why not tell me so I could stay with her?  I was told she wanted me to go back to CA.  That I didn’t need to be there for it.  She had seen me and got to visit before she moved on.  The next two weeks were some of the toughest of my life.  Sitting at work dreading the phone ringing.  Instead of taking the time to to cope, I was just numb,  Finally I booked a flight back home and the day before I departed she passed away.

When I got back we went to her house.  The rest of the family left and I was there alone.  I am not sure if I ever cried harder.  Those moments are forever etched in my memory.  Looking out the kitchen window with all her knick knacks oer the back porch, just as she had done so many times when I was a kid playing in her back yard.  I fell to the ground and cried.

I knew I had to keep it together for the families sake.  I hadn’t been there for the two weeks before she died.  It was my time to be strong.  I did pretty good except as the funeral procession passed a work crew on Antioch road.  The workers all took off thier helmets.  Drops of Jupiter was on the radio and I still can’t listen to that song.

That night I sat with my best friend at his apartment.  We had several beers and I was really letting it all out.  Jame’s father had died when he was a senior in high school.  He was weak for a long time near the end and James spent alot of time talking with his dad as he took care of him.  I finally completely lost my composure telling him what my Grandmother had said to me right before he died.  For the first time in our 15 year relationship (including the night his father died) James started to cry.  He told me that was exactly what his father’s last words to him were.

I’m not too sure about Death or what comes after.  I do know that at the moment his father and my grandmother had accepted their passing, they each had the same thought to share.  This leads me to believe that at the time of our death we become aware of one inevitable truth, Life never gives you more than you can handle.

Think about that next time life seems overwhelming. 

I was digging through some boxes and found a written page from around ’99.  I was living at my folks house, working at 54th Street for the third time, and awaiting a move to Californina.  Here is what I found:

As I sit on my back porch pondering the great questions of the universe, ie maybe I should have gone piss before smoking this cigarette, in the blazing noon day sun.  Beads of sweat form on my brow as I plot the monotony of my day off.  Should I eat first, then play pinball before coming home for a nap?  Maybe I should wait until some sort of food sounds remotely interesting and play pinball in the interim.  Maybe I should go back to bed until some sort of sense of urgency returns.  Come to think of it why did I get up in the first place?  If it were not for cigarettes and urination I probably would be having these thoughts in the 12×20 sanctuary of my youth, wghich now houses unused plywood, a broken pinball machine, and a treadmill (which provided only the exercise necessary to assemble, and eventually transport to it’s final resting place.)  Scattered amongst, between, under, and on top of this furntiure is the sparse remains of a life I once knew.  A two bedroom apartment worth of memoriesnow lies in coffins marked kitchen and books.  I share the small bed with yet more boxes, magazines, bags of stale chips, and an alarm clock which sounds 6 days a week to remind me of my third obligation.  At least 12 hours a day are spent sweating on my feet and marching towards death in a never ending cycle of drink orders, food orders, and disappointing tips.  Alas this is not my fate today, even god rested on teh seventh day.  However I doubt he spent it debating the merits of chinesse of mexican food for lunch.