Xanga

In a continuing effort to avoid putting original thoughts on my Xanga, I thought I would post my favorite poem for a friend who needs a little courage

Of Travelers & Thieves – Jonathan Lindsey Sheehan

Amidst a huddled crowd
Inside a beggar’s lair
dwell four noble travelers
whose thoughts are fine and fair

To the crowd they speak aloud
all the four as one
Be not afraid to trust thy heart
and with us ye shall come

None be a peasant none be a knave
In this night of knights ye all are brave

The thieves inside thee make advances
borne of fears they steal your chances

In all humanity thieves exist
so every race must clench their fist
and come together to travel as one
a mighty flock beneath the sun

“To our home we must stay nigh,”
was the beggar’s first reply

A gain the travelers spoke aloud

“within the lair there’s great despair
outside we learn to love and care

The thieves with greed should have no place
In a truly caring human race

Just sing with us and you will see
that inner joys are not forbidden
your inhibitions keep them hidden”

The huddled crowd then rose to speak
“The thieves have made us much too weak”

In song the travelers sang as one

“The only thieves that still remain
are those which lurk inside our brain

Worse than a demon, worse than a troll,

is the thief that steals your soul”

In glee the beggars start to see
the power of the jubilee

The night of knights
was a full moon glow
whilst together the crowd
would learn and grow

With a confident trust
their swords they thrust
as they set off to the hills

As one traveler verse begun

Holdeth this joy within your heart
and take this chance to make a start

and as go the leaves on winter trees
so will the presence of inner thieves

Once free to roam the bountiful earth
they hence discovered all her worth

And merry all the land would be
while the sun approached a darkened sea

And for the travelers off they be
with their song that set us free

So whenever I feel a relationship has potential of going someplace I eventually make the person listen to this song.  I ask one question afterwards that gives all sorts of perspective into thier views of love and romance.  There is no wrong answer, but there are definately wrong ways to defend the right answer.  Anyone reading can feel free to kick in thier two cents.  Besides the question it is a tremendous song performed by one of the greatest storytellers to ever live.

A Better Place To Be

Performed by Harry Chapin
From Greatest Stories Live © Copyright 1976
Written by Harry Chapin

---

It was an early morning bar room,

And the place just opened up.

And the little man came in so fast

And he started at his cusps.

And the broad who served the whisky,

She was a big old friendly girl.

Who tried to fight her empty nights

By smilin’ at the world.

And she said, “Hey bub it’s — it’s been awhile

Since you been around.

Where the Hell you been hidin’?

And why you look so down?”

Well the little man just sat there

Like he’d never heard a sound.

The waitress she gave out with a cough,

And actin’ not the least put off,

She spoke once again.

She said, “I don’t want to bother you,

Consider it’s understood.

I know I’m not no beauty queen,

But I sure can listen good.”

And the little man took his drink in his hand

And he raised it to his lips.

He took a couple of sips,

Then he told the waitress this story …

“I am the midnight watchman down at Miller’s Tool and Die.

And I watch the metal rustin’; I watch the time go by.

A week ago at the diner, I stopped to get a bite,

And this here lovely lady she sat two seats from my right.

And Lord, Lord, Lord (Lord, Lord, Lord) she was alright.

“You see, she was so damned beautiful

That she could warm a winter frost.

But she looked long past lonely,

And well nigh unto lost.

Now I’m not much of a mover,

Or a pick-’em-up easy guy,

But I decided to glide on over,

And give her one good try.

And Lord, Lord, Lord (Lord, Lord, Lord)

She was worth a try.

“Well I was tongued-tied like a school boy,

I stammered out some words.

It did not really matter much,

‘Cause I don’t think she heard.

She just looked clear on through me

To a space back in my head.

It shamed me into silence,

As quietly she said:

If you want me to come with you,

Then that’s all right with me.

‘Cause I know I’m goin’ nowhere,

And anywhere’s a better place to be …

Anywhere’s a better place to be.

“Well I drove her to my boarding house,

And I took her up to my room.

And I went to turn on the only light,

To brighten up the gloom.

But she said,

Please leave the light off,

Oh I don’t mind the dark.

And as her clothes all tumbled ’round her,

I could hear my heart.

The moonlight shone upon her

As she lay back in my bed.

It was the kind of scene I only

Had imagined in my head.

I just could not believe it,

To think that she was real.

And as I tried to tell her she said,

Shhh … I know just how you feel.

And if you want to come here with me,

Then that’s all right with me.

‘Cause I’ve been oh so lonely,

Lovin’ someone is a better way to be …

Anywhere’s a better place to be.

“Well the morning come so swiftly,

I held her in my arms.

And she slept like a baby,

Snug and safe from harm.

I did not want to share her,

Or dare to break the mood,

So before she woke I went out

To buy us both some food.

“I came back with my paper bag,

To find that she was gone.

She’d left a six word letter saying:

‘It’s time that I moved on.’”

You know the waitress she took her bar rag,

And wiped it across her eyes.

And as she spoke her voice came out

As something like a sigh.

She said, “I wish that I was beautiful,

Or that you were halfway blind.

And I wish I weren’t so Goddamn fat,

I wish that you were mine.

And I wish that you’d come with me,

When I leave for home.

For we both know all about emptiness,

And livin’ all alone.”

And the little man,

Looked at the empty glass in his hand,

And he smiled a crooked grin,

He said, “I, I guess I’m out of gin.

And know we both have been

So lonely …

… And if you want me to come with you,

Then that’s all right with me.

‘Cause I know I’m goin’ nowhere,

And anywhere’s a better place to be.” .

The question is: Is this a happy or sad ending and why?

 

Conquer Me
Lyrics: John Popper
Music: Bobby Sheehan

Hail to you my mountain climber busy at your task I know you’re in a hurry but there’s something I must ask Do you ever get lonely climbing up so high If you don’t want to answer me I can understand why Are you running for heaven, or are you running fast from hell If that’s your intention, you aren’t doing very well If I told you a secret, would you want to know more I’ve got a challenge I hope you won’t ignore Conquer me figure me out and set me free I’ve got a hundred million things to show you as many more to see But only if you conquer me Sometimes I get this precious view and the grand scheme shows its face When all is in harmony it can be such a lonely place The melody is sad and sweet, and the dance I do is fun Yes I love this precious view but I’m staring at the sun It’s like watching a movie about a game you won’t get to play It seems to go on without me, and I just gotta get in the way For as pretty the picture, I share this view alone Will anyone stoop to grasp this gauntlet I have thrown Conquer me figure me out and set me free I’ve got a hundred million things to show you as many more to see But only if you conquer me Hail to all you mountain climbers all you dreamers on the run I’m your self appointed solicitor but now I speak to only one Whoever she is now, and whoever she’ll become I’d like to ask her to hurry please and if she’s walking could she run It’s not my impatience though perhaps just there I lied It’s just I’m feeling invincible and it has me terrified Are you safe and are you healthy, and hope you’re all right Entombed in my bravado, I was hoping soon you might Conquer me figure me out and set me free Conquer me figure me out and set me free

So one of the people whose Xanga I read daily always starts off with a quote.  I am not quite that dreative, but for the fun of whoever maybe reading this I will toss out some of my favorite movie quotes.  Feel free to try and identify them all in the comments:

Mr. Brown: O.K., let me tell you what Like a Virgin’s about. It’s all about this cooze who’s a regular fuck machine, I’m talking morning, day, night, afternoon, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick.
Mr. Blue: How many dicks is that?
Mr. White: A lot.
Mr. Brown: Then one day she meets this John Holmes motherfucker and it’s like, whoa baby, I mean this cat is like Charles Bronson in the Great Escape, he’s digging tunnels. Now, she’s gettin’ the serious dick action and she’s feeling something she ain’t felt since forever. Pain. Pain. It hurts her. It shouldn’t hurt her, you know her pussy should be Bubble Yum by now, but when this cat fucks her it hurts. It hurts just like it did the first time. You see the pain is reminding a fuck machine what it once was like to be a virgin. Hence, “Like a virgin.”

Lloyd Dobler: I don’t want to sell anything, buy anything, or process anything as a career. I don’t want to sell anything bought or processed, or buy anything sold or processed, or process anything sold, bought, or processed, or repair anything sold, bought, or processed. You know, as a career, I don’t want to do that.

D.C.: Why don’t you just call her again?
Lloyd Dobler: I draw the line at 7 unreturned phone calls.

Lloyd Dobler: I got a question. If you guys know so much about women, how come you’re here at like the Gas ‘n’ Sip on a Saturday night completely alone drinking beers with no women anywhere?
Joe: By choice, man.

John Bender: Screws fall out all the time, the world is an imperfect place.

Richard Vernon: Don’t mess with the bull, young man. You’ll get the horns.

Richard Vernon: What if your home… what if your family… what if your *dope* was on fire?
John Bender: Impossible, sir. It’s in Johnson’s underwear.

Claire Standish: What’s your name?
John Bender: What’s yours?
Claire Standish: Claire.
John Bender: Claire?
Claire Standish: Claire. It’s a family name.
John Bender: Oh, it’s a fat girl’s name.
Claire Standish: Oh, thank you.
John Bender: You’re welcome.
Claire Standish: I’m not fat.
John Bender: Well not at present, but I can see you really pushing maximum density. See I’m not sure if you know this, but there are two kinds of fat people: there’s fat people that were born to be fat, and there’s fat people that were once thin but became fat… so when you look at ’em you can sorta see that thin person inside. You see, you’re gonna get married, you’re gonna squeeze out a few puppies and then, uh…

Charles De Mar: This is pure snow! Do you have any idea what the street value of this mountain is?

Charles De Mar: [giving skiing instructions] Go that way, really fast. If something gets in your way, turn.

Tree Trimmer: Now that’s a real shame when folks be throwin’ away a perfectly good white boy like that.

Jack Woltz: Johnny Fontane never gets that movie. That part is perfect for him, it’ll make him a big star, and I’m gonna run him out of the business – and let me tell you why: Johnny Fontane ruined one of Woltz International’s most valuable proteges. For five years we had her under training – singing lessons, acting lessons, dancing lessons. I spent hundreds of thousands of dollars on her, I was gonna make her a big star. And let me be even more frank, just to show you that I’m not a hard-hearted man, and that it’s not all dollars and cents: She was beautiful; she was young; she was innocent. She was the greatest piece of ass I’ve ever had, and I’ve had ’em all over the world. And then Johnny Fontane comes along with his olive oil voice and guinea charm, and she runs off. She threw it all away just to make me look ridiculous! And a man in my position can’t afford to be made to look ridiculous!

Priest: Don’t be afraid, my son. No one is more powerful than God.
Calogero ‘C’ Anello: I don’t know about that, father. Your guy may be bigger than my guy up there, but my guy is bigger than your guy down here.
Priest: Ya got a point.

Sonny: Alright, listen to me. You pull up right where she lives, right? Before you get outta the car, you lock both doors. Then, get outta the car, you walk over to her. You bring her over to the car. Dig out the key, put it in the lock and open the door for her. Then you let her get in. Then you close the door. Then you walk around the back of the car and look through the rear window. If she doesn’t reach over and lift up that button so that you can get in: dump her.
Calogero ‘C’ Anello: Just like that?
Sonny: Listen to me, kid. If she doesn’t reach over and lift up that button so that you can get in, that means she’s a selfish broad and all you’re seeing is the tip of the iceberg. You dump her and you dump her fast.

Sonny: You gotta do what your heart tells you to do. Let me tell you somethin’ right now. You’re only allowed three great women in your lifetime. They come along like the great fighters, every ten years. Rocky Marciano. Sugar Ray Robinson. Joe Louis. Sometimes you get ’em all at once. Me? I had my three when I was 16. That happens. What are you gonna do? That’s the way it goes, you know? Tell you right now. See this girl? Maybe this girl, she put wind in your sails. Maybe she’s your first great one.

Adam Levy: Two people can be perfect for each other but if the timing’s wrong its never going to work out. Bad timing is the reason that most normal people end up single. Weirdos and creeps are single cos they are weird and creepy but people like us are single because of bad timing.

Cameron: [singing] When Cameron was in Egypt’s land…”let my Cameron go!”

Grace: Oh, he’s very popular Ed. The sportos, the motorheads, geeks, sluts, bloods, waistoids, dweebies, dickheads – they all adore him. They think he’s a righteous dude.

Ferris: Not that I condone fascism, or any -ism for that matter. -Ism’s in my opinion are not good. A person should not believe in an -ism, he should believe in himself. I quote John Lennon, “I don’t believe in The Beatles, I just believe in me.” Good point there. After all, he was the walrus. I could be the walrus and I’d still have to bum rides off of people.

Elwood: Illinois Nazis.
Jake: I hate Illinois Nazis.

Corrections Officer: One Timex digital watch, broken. One unused prophylactic. One soiled.

Jake: [fakes accent] How much for the little girl? How much for the women?
Man: What?
Jake: Your women. I want to buy your women. The little girl, your daughters… sell them to me. Sell me your children.

Jake: No I didn’t. Honest… I ran out of gas. I, I had a flat tire. I didn’t have enough money for cab fare. My tux didn’t come back from the cleaners. An old friend came in from out of town. Someone stole my car. There was an earthquake. A terrible flood. Locusts. IT WASN’T MY FAULT, I SWEAR TO GOD.

Elwood: It’s 106 miles to Chicago, we’ve got a full tank of gas, half a pack of cigarettes, it’s dark and we’re wearing sunglasses.
Jake: Hit it.

Navin R. Johnson: Well I’m gonna to go then. And I don’t need any of this. I don’t need this stuff, and I don’t need you. I don’t need anything except this.
[picks up an ashtray]
Navin R. Johnson: And that’s it and that’s the only thing I need, is this. I don’t need this or this. Just this ashtray. And this paddle game, the ashtray and the paddle game and that’s all I need. And this remote control. The ashtray, the paddle game, and the remote control, and that’s all I need. And these matches. The ashtray, and these matches, and the remote control and the paddle ball. And this lamp. The ashtray, this paddle game and the remote control and the lamp and that’s all I need. And that’s all I need too. I don’t need one other thing, not one – I need this. The paddle game, and the chair, and the remote control, and the matches, for sure. And this. And that’s all I need. The ashtray, the remote control, the paddle game, this magazine and the chair.
[walking outside]
Navin R. Johnson: And I don’t need one other thing, except my dog.
[dog barks]
Navin R. Johnson: I don’t need my dog.

Navin R. Johnson: He hates these cans. Stay away from the cans.

Navin R. Johnson: Lord loves a workin’ man; don’t trust whitey; see a doctor and get rid of it.

Navin R. Johnson: [singing] I’m picking out a Thermos for you. Not an ordinary Thermos for you. But the extra best Thermos that you can buy, with vinyl and stripes and a cup built right in.

Navin R. Johnson: The new phone book’s here. The new phone book’s here. This is the kind of spontaneous publicity I need. My name in print. That really makes somebody. Things are going to start happening to me now.

Navin R. Johnson: I know we’ve only known each other four weeks and three days, but to me it seems like nine weeks and five days. The first day seemed like a week and the second day seemed like five days. And the third day seemed like a week again and the fourth day seemed like eight days. And the fifth day you went to see your mother and that seemed just like a day, and then you came back and later on the sixth day, in the evening, when we saw each other, that started seeming like two days, so in the evening it seemed like two days spilling over into the next day and that started seeming like four days, so at the end of the sixth day on into the seventh day, it seemed like a total of five days. And the sixth day seemed like a week and a half. I have it written down, but I can show it to you tomorrow if you want to see it.

Navin R. Johnson: Now be totally honest. You do have a boyfriend don’t you.
Marie: Kind of
Navin R. Johnson: I know this is our first date but do you think the next time you make love to your boyfriend you could think of me?
Marie: Well I haven’t made love to him yet.
Navin R. Johnson: That’s to bad. Do you think its possible that someday could make love with me and think of him.
Marie: Who knows maybe you and he could make love and you could think of me.
Navin R. Johnson: I’d be happy to be in there somewhere.

McMurphy: Who’s the head bull-moose loony around here?

But if you want my favorite quote, it is the one i have carried around with me since high school:

“It is not the critic who counts, not the one who points out how the strong man stumbled or how the doer of deeds might have done better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred with sweat and dust and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs and comes short again and again; who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions, and spends himself in a worthy cause; who, if he wins, knows the triumph of high achievement; and who, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who know neither victory or defeat.”

-TR

 

 

I am on an updating roll.

I believe that as the worlds last remaining super power we do have a role to play as the world’s policeman.  I believe that our moral imperative is to rid the world of two things.  The first is genocide and the second is plague.  I don’t believe we have the right to randomly intervene in the domestic issues of foreign countries, but we must use our might to keep the world free of genocide and plague.

This is why 3 years ago when President Bush decided to put our nations might behind addressing the problem of AIDS in Africa, I felt that this issue could be the most unifying challenge faced by our country since we commited to putting man on the moon.  As I read more about this “crisis” I found some troubling facts out about it.  It has become almost part of common knowledge that AIDS is a significant problem in Africa.  Read up further on it and you begin to hear anecdotal evidence of how men believe they can rid themselves of infection by sleeping with a virgin.  No one really seems to question this logic, no one except the scientists most closely related to the fight.  The following is a series of posts I made on this issue on www.kcforum.net Hope they make you question this common knowledge:

Originally posted by maxallen

I’ve never heard this before. I’ll have to do some research to see if it’s true. The stories I’ve read about AIDS in Africa were in relation to rampant unprotected sex, particularly in some tribal areas where the men pretty much can have their way with any unmarried woman. Also there are the many cases of it being passed from mother to child. True, there are myriad other diseases caused by unsafe water and squallor conditions, but I think it would be very reckless for the media or government to refer to those as AIDS.

MY RESPONSE:

While I do agree with you, keep in mind that the clinical definition of AIDS and what is diagnosed as AIDS in Africa are two different things. A great number of illnesses caused by starvation and sqallor are diagnosed as AIDS there, but are not truly HIV related or even terminal.

It is called the Bangui Definition. In the developed world if you want to know if someone has AIDS you run a test. In the developing world (where there isn’t much you could do even if they were HIV positive) they simply look at a series of criteria to diagnose.

If you suffer from 3 of the 4 items on this list you have AIDS by the Bangui Definition:
chronic asthenia (Loss or lack of bodily strength; weakness; debitity), major weight loss, chronic fever, and chronic diarrhea.

There have been times when I had all four, I called it the flu or food poisoning, but in Africa this is AIDS. Can you imagine the likelihood of someone suffering from these conditions if they lived in utter poverty in an undeveloped area without even clean water or adequate food? If they can’t muster 3 of the 4 there is a secondary list that can be used to account for the missing points. No scientific model can account for the fact that all these people have AIDS, don’t recieve treatment, and don’t die at the rates they should. Some even get better. Phillip Johnson is one of the researchers really pushing this to the forefront. It’s not sympathetic to tell this side of the story.

I am not belittling the suffering going on in Africa by any means. I just think that we need to be realistic about what is going on. AIDS is a serious thing and misrepresnting it or even worse using it to get more international aid is despicable.

The more you actually read up about AIDS outside the mainstream press, the more you learn about how vile the politicalization of this disease is.

I am in no means making light of or trying to diminish the suffering of people with AIDS. I had an Uncle in Law who died of AIDS in the 80s asnd was therefore exposed to the topic at a young age. I also from childhood have been very interested in poverty and famine in subsaharran Africa. Growing up my parents listened to alot of Harry Chapin and when he asked questions like “When the state of Nebraska produces enough food to feed the world two and a half times, why why why are people still dying of starvation?” I didn’t have an answer and wanted to find one. Furthermore when Bush announced in the State of the Union 3 years ago that he was focusing his administration on ridding Africa of AIDS I was ready to get on board. Seems like the great cause of our generation (except abolishing Genocide) and I was ready to drop everything to help. What I learned was pretty shocking. I say alot of stupid shit on here, but am not a stupid guy and really have a decent heart.

Here are a few responses to you questions:

Why Lie and Call it AIDS: The short answer is that Cholera isn’t as sexy. We have been taught that AIDS can strike anyone and therefore AIDS stirs a great deal of sympathy. The amount of money spent on fighting AIDS per death is absurd. The WHO, UN, and others know they can more readily solicit funds if they call it AIDS.

AIDS in the US: I have posted on here before about the growth of AIDS being negative among heterosexual caucasians nationwide. The truth about the growth is very politically incorrect. It is growing only amongst Homosexual males and African Americans. The reason for this is that promiscuity among young homosexual males is still high. The likelihood of contracting AIDS through vaginal intercourse from someone who only engages in vagnal sex is very low. Anal intercourse is far more risky due to the ability to transfer fluids. Two homosexual males in a commited relationship who were negative at the begining of the relationship face very little risk. The problem lies in promiscuity and in lack of fear of the disease. Search the words “condom apathy” sometime and be shocked at what prominent gay rights organizations have to say on the topic. It is amazing how these issues can be observed within the community, but when someone from outside points it out it is homophobic and bigoted. I was talking to a girl just last night who was telling me about getting drunk dialed by a friend from the DB Warehouse who was telling her how he had already recieved hummers from 4 different guys at the bar that night. I am not sure where the heterosexual eqivalent of that bar is, but even if it existed I wouldn’t partake. It is dangerous and stupid, but oddly acceptable within SOME PARTS of the community. To get even more politically incorrect, you can address the spread in the African American Community. The rates of incarceration have lead to a rampant increase in homosexual activity that is not considered to make you gay. AIDS rates in prisons are astounding (I would accredit the root of these to socio economic conditions rather than homosexuality) and it is spread at a far hkigher rate than outside prison. These men come out and pass it along to women. Coupled with the unspoken prevalence of “downlow relationships” (another fun word to google) this is causing the larget increase of any group in the US.

The Link between HIV and AIDS: Here is where people really get confused. HIV is a virus that compromises your immune system. You can be tested for it and no medicine can cure you of it. AIDS is diagnosed using a series of 29 different disorders caused by an immune difficiency. Once you have enough of the 29 and are HIV possitive you are diagnosed with AIDS. Here’s the thing. You could concieveably have all 29 disorders and not have AIDS if you are not HIV possitive. Likewise you can be HIV possitive and have none of the 29. AIDS is not a disease it is a diagnosis. HIV is a disease, but it’s only link to AIDS is that it MAY cause your immune system to be deficent enough to acquire enough of the 29 conditions to be diagnosed with AIDS. Furthermore, no one has ever been able to isolate the HIV virus. The test is for Antigens, not for the virus. It would be like diagnosing a cancer patient with Cancer even though you couldn’t find any cancer based solely on the symptoms.

Think I am crazy? Here a few wise people with some mediocre credentials that say the same thing:

“If there is evidence that HIV causes AIDS, there should be scientific documents which either singly or collectively demonstrate that fact, at least with a high probability. There is no such document.” (Sunday Times (London) 28 nov. 1993)
Dr. Kary Mullis, Biochemist, 1993 Nobel Prize for Chemistry

“I do not regard the causal relationship between HIV and any disease as settled. I have seen considerable evidence that highly improper statistics concerning HIV and AIDS have been passed off as science, and that top members of the scientific establishment have carelessly, if not irresponsible, joined the media in spreading misinformation about the nature of AIDS.” (Yale Scientific, Fall 1994)
Dr. Serge Lang, Professor of Mathematics, Yale University

“It is not proven that AIDS is caused by HIV infection, nor is it proven that it plays no role whatever in the syndrome.” (Sunday Times (London) 3 April 1994)
Dr. Harry Rubin, Professor of Molecular and Cell Biology, University of California at Berkeley

“In the old days it was required that a scientist address the possibilities of proving his hypothesis wrong as well as right. Now there’s none of that in standard HIV-AIDS program with all its billions of dollars.” (Penthouse April 1994)
Dr. Richard Strohman, Emeritus Professor of Cell Biology at the University of California at Berkeley

“The sentence of death accompanying the medical diagnosis of AIDS should be abolished.” (Sunday Times (London) 3 April 1994)
Dr. Alfred Hässig, (1921-1999), former Professor of Immunology at the University of Bern, and former director Swiss Red Cross blood banks

Here is where it gets REALLY scary:
“The marketing of HIV, through press releases and statements, as a killer virus causing AIDS without the need for any other factors, has so distorted research and treatment that it may have caused thousands of people to suffer and die.” (Sunday times (London) 17 May 1992)
Dr. Joseph Sonnabend, New York Physician, founder of the American Foundation for AIDS Research (AmFAR)

“I think zidovudine [AZT] was never really evaluated properly and that its efficacy has never been proved, but it’s toxicity certainly is important. And I think it has killed a lot of people. Especially at the high doses. I personally think it not worth using alone or in combination at all.” (Continuum Oct. 2000)
Dr. Andrew Herxheimer, Emeritus Professor of Pharmacology, UK Cochrane Centre, Oxford

“Dominated by the media, by special pressure groups and by the interests of several pharmaceutical companies, the AIDS establishment efforts to control the disease lost contact with open-minded, peer-reviewed medical science since the unproven HIV/AIDS hypothesis received 100% of the research funds while all other hypotheses were ignored.” (Reappraising AIDS Nov./Dec. 1998)
Dr. Etienne de Harven, Emeritus Professor of Pathology, at the University of Toronto



I have great sympathy for those suffering from AIDS. It is a terrible disease that needs to be abolished. I mean no disrespect to anyone suffering or who who has suffered a loss due to AIDS. This is a public health crisis. I simply believe that it is so important and so critical that we address it without letting insecurities and political correctness stand in the way of our objectivity

On February 19th I ordered a bouquet of flowers for someone.  Here is what they looked like:

They were supposed to be delivered on Monday the 20th.  I check the online tracking on the 20th and it simply said “Being Processed.”  Ok, that probably isn’t the easiest bouquet to do so I decide to be patient.  On Tuesday the 21st I check again.  My order still says “being processed” so I send in an email asking when my flowers would be delivered and recieved this response (Italics added by me):

Hello David,

Thank you for shopping with 1-800-FLOWERS.COM.

In response to your e-mail, we wish to inform you that we have sent a
message to our shop to confirm the delivery details of your order. 
Please be assured that we will get back to you with the requisite
information, as soon as we hear from our shop.

If you have any other questions or concerns, please do not hesitate to
contact us at the address listed below.  Or you can contact us at our
customer satisfaction number, 1-800-468-1141.

Sincerely,

Rashmi Baweja
Customer Service Specialist
Custservice@1800flowers.com

Now flowers under most any circumstance I can think of are a time sensitive delivery.  Flowers arriving a day after your anniversary or a day after the funeral can cost far more in pain and embarrassment than the price of teh actual bouquet.  I have used proflowers.com, FTD.com, and Hallmark flowers without problems.  This time I used 1-800Flowers.com specifically because they offered next day delivery of this particular bouquet of tropical flowers.  I knew that the recipient liked hawaiian flowers so they got the job.

Wednesday, February 22nd arrived and the online tracking still said my order was “being processed”, but my credit card had been charged.  Since they hadn’t followed up with me as they said they would in the form letter, I called the 1-800 customer service number and was told that they recieved word on Monday the 20th (the day they were supposed to be delivered) that the florist didn’t have the flowers in stock and cancelled the order.  If I was told this then I could have made other arrangements through them or another company.  Instead I was never contacted.  When I contacted them on Tuesday, they send me the form letter above stating that they had contacted the florist and were awaiting a response.  Funny thing is the florist had already cancelled the order the day before.  So the order was cancelled, my card was charged, and no flowers were being sent or “being processed.”

In all fairness the customer service rep handled this situation very well.  She first offered to refund my money and send me a gift certificate.  I told her “I cannot picture a time in the future when I will ever be sending flowers no caring when or even if they arrive.”  She then consulted with her supervisor and came back offering to send another bouquet and personally call and apologize to the recipient.  This seemed like the best she could do and since she personally did not screw up my order, I felt no need to yell at her.  Instead I sent the folowing email to thier customer service email address:

I placed an order (W000253503398) with your company on Sunday
Evening February 19th. This was for a tropical bouquet to be delivered
the
next day. It was my girlfriends first day back at work after a hospital
stay and burying her grandmother. I had also been a bit of a jerk and
needed to apologize. I checked the evening of the 20th to confirm the
flowers had been delivered through your online tracking service. The
system said “being processed.” On the afternoon of the 21st (one day
late)
I sent an email into the automated customer service system. I was shot
back the following form letter:

Hello David,

Thank you for shopping with 1-800-FLOWERS.COM.

In response to your e-mail, we wish to inform you that we have sent a
message to our shop to confirm the delivery details of your order.
Please be assured that we will get back to you with the requisite
information, as soon as we hear from our shop.

If you have any other questions or concerns, please do not hesitate to
contact us at the address listed below. Or you can contact us at our
customer satisfaction number, 1-800-468-1141.

Sincerely,

Rashmi Baweja
Customer Service Specialist
Custservice@1800flowers.com

Original Message Follows:
————————
2/21/2006 4:50:16 PM

Confirmation Number: W000253503398
Order Telephone Number:
Your Order Name:
Home Phone: 816-
Your Name: Dorian Grey
Order Date: 02/19/06
E-Mail Address: guyfromkc64118@yahoo.com
Category: Status Check
comments: I ordered these flowers based on a delivery dated of 2/20.
Today my order still says being processed. Can I get an updated
estimated
delivery date?



After work on the 22nd (two days late and an eternity in looking like a
jerk who didn’t even send flowers) I checked online, it still said
“being
processed” and had recieved no new email from your customer service. I
called your 800 customer service line and spoke to a very nice lady.
She
informed me that the florist had sent a message to the company on the
20th
stating they did not have the product in stock. This was One day before
I
got the form letter stating you had contacted the florist and were
waiting
to hear back and Two days before I had to call you and sit on hold to
be
told you couldn’t fulfil the order. You do understand that you aren’t
delivering furniture. Flowers are almost exclusively a time sensitive
purchase. They are also extremely emotional purchases worth more than
their actual price in many situations. I absolutely would not have
chosen
your company amongst your many competitors if I knew this was how my
order
could be processed. I don’t think many other people would either.

When I was made aware of this gross mishandling I was understandably
upset. Your customer service rep was very apologetic and seemed
legitimately concerned. I knew it was not her fault personally and felt
no
need to get upset with her. Her first line to try and fix this was to
offer me a refund (no flowers were being sent) and a gift certificate
to
try your service again. I am not sure there is ever an occassion when I
will send flowers and rather save a few bucks than pay and know they
will
arrive on time. She placed me on hold to speak with a supervisor and
offered to send another bouquet and call to apologize. There really
isn’t
any point in sending the flowers now. The damage has pretty much been
done. It’s not about a monetary loss.

It seems there are only two ways I can make a positive of this
situation.
The first is that someone higher up that a front line customer service
rep
whose supervisor didn’t even get on the phone to address this
themselves.
Someone needs to own up to what seems to be a fundamental flaw in the
way
you do business that allowed the ball to be dropped this bad in my
situation. I would like to know that you are now aware of this
situation
and specific changes have been implemented to fix these flaws. This is
the
option I would greatly prefer.

The second option to turn this into a possitive is to make sure that no
one else makes the mistake I made. I have alot of free time on my hands
being single and will do everything in my power to turn this very
letter
into a cultural phenomenon. I will do what is within my power make sure
that this letter finds it’s way onto every message board and inbox I
can
find. People should be aware that this is an acceptable business
practice
in your mind to make informed decisions on whether to shop with or
invest
in your company.

The damage is done in my situation. Hopefully this situation will get
the
attention of someone who could prevent it from happening in the future.
My
only goal is to see some possitive change come from this situation from
no
one ever having to be handled this way again. I hope it can be
addressed
from your end to prevent me from needing to address it.

Sincerely,

Dorian Grey
Guyfromkc64118@yahoo.com

PS Please remove my name immediately from your electronic membership
program under the address listed above.

I feel this was a very fair letter to send.  The damage was done in my situation and I wanted to make sure no one else ever had the same problem I did.  Either that was through them fixing the problems or me making sure no one I could contact would ever use them again.

I recieved the following reply:

Hello David,

Thank you for shopping with 1-800-FLOWERS.COM.

We apologize that your last experience with us was not a good one and
that it had caused embarrassment to you.  We understand the value of a
gift as and how the unsatisfactory delivery of your order would have
caused disappointment to you and to the recipient. 

We feel that your recent experience with us didn’t measure up to the
standards of service that we like to provide.  We can understand your
disappointment as the order was for a sentimental purpose. 

You are a valued customer and we hope you will give us the privilege of
serving all of your future giving gifts.  We value you as our customer
and appreciate your patience and cooperation in this matter.

If you have any other questions or concerns, please do not hesitate to
contact us at the address listed below.  Or you can contact us at our
customer satisfaction number, 1-800-468-1141.

Sincerely,

Nitin Sharma
Customer Service Specialist
Custservice@1800flowers.com

I bet most of you could guess that this sent me through the roof.  All they thought my comments were worth was a short form letter.  I decided to give them another chance and did some research.  I found an email address for the corporate director of communications.  I sent me letter to her and using the same format for email address sent it on to several more corporate employees.

The next day I recieved a call from Julie Kaufman the Director of Customer Service.  We spent 25 minutes on the phone discussing the failures of her system and what they could have done better.  At the end of the call I was assured that my money had been refunded and that a new bouquet was being sent.  Then I got to see the bouquet:

Now I never claimed to be an expert, but that bouquet looks cheap and tacky.  It is the kind of thing you send for the retirement of a 70 year old woman.  The others were sleak and exotic, those look like you picked them from your neighbors flower box.  If I was making up for a screw up I would probably try to send something of the same style or at least something that cost as much money as the ones I screwed up.  But I digress

Ms Kaufman did send me this letter:

Dear David,

Once again, I want to extend my personal apologies for your experience
with us at 1-800-Flowers. However, I want to thank you so much for your
time and clarification on the phone today.

To reiterate from our conversation today, please be assured that all
issues brought to us from customers are looked at very seriously and we
determine how we can meet and exceed our customer expectations in the
future. Your frustration points – non-delivery; web site tracking;
appropriate/accurate information; and e-mail responses and appropriate
escalation of e-mailed issues – are all in an internal review. As we
discussed, the issues and coaching in which we can take swift and
immediate steps will be addressed as such. Those which are larger
projects will continue to be investigated to see how we can resolve or
provide a much better experience without impacting your out-of-pocket
in
pricing. Thank you again for your personal experience perception as
this
is such key information for us.

Per your conversation with Marsha (the associate which you expressed
did
an “pro” job when you spoke with her), a delivery was sent today to Ms
XXXX, as well as a refund on your account. In addition, I have put
in
process a $30 Savings Pass, good for one year, which can be used toward
a future order either online or telephonically. You will be receiving
this in the mail.

We absolutely realize that our growth depends on our ability to meet
and
exceed your expectations. I am so sorry that we failed you at the most
fundamental points in your first experience with us. I know that
trusting us at this moment may not be first on your mind, however we
would appreciate the opportunity to earn your trust again in the
future.
I hope you will take advantage of the Savings Pass and allow us that
chance to be your florist of choice.

Kindest Regards,

Julie Kaufman
Director, Customer Service
1800Flowers.com

So this pretty much ends it right?  Flowers were delivered, they addressed my concerns, and the gift certificate (what the hell can you get for $30 even if I did ever use them again).  So I just move on and get past it right?  Actually there was one more thing, the most basic thing, they could screw up.

It has been 9 days since i ordered, 8 days since my order was canceled, 6 days since I found out they weren’t sending them and they charged my card.  Yet they still haven’t deciding that giving my @#$&$%@#%^&$%$^ money back was a priority.

This is not over this is pretty far from over.  As Ving Rhames said to Bruce Willis in Pulp Fiction when he got free after being ass raped, “Naw I’m pretty fuckin far from ok”

I got my first random response from someone who saw my site from a blogring.  Ok so I find that relatively cool.  Random Strangers dropping by should always feel free to post a thought or two.

So recently the four month anniversary of my last drink past.  On that day I was locked up in the State of Missouri’s Weekend Intervention Program. A 48 Hour weekend class designed for repeat drunk drivers.  Four months earlier I got my second DWI.  I got my first in ’97 shortly before returning to college.  That was my last night of drinking and for all intensive purposes the last drink I will ever have (Blvd Pale Ale if you were wondering).

I am not someone who makes the best decisions after they have been drinking.  It was not the only time I had done it, but it is a rare thing.  I blew a .096.  To put that in perspective I am 5’11” and weigh 170.  This allows me to drink 2 beers each of the first 2 hours and 1 beer each hour after that and still blow below a .08 (MO legal limit which was lowered from .1 a few years ago).  I was drinking about 2 an hour.  Now I have been drinking for about 12 years.  I am a seasoned social drinker and and can handle a 2 beer per hour pace for quite some time without showing any effects.  Unfortunately that is due to a tolerance to a higher BAC not that alcohol effects my BAC less rapidly.  In other words I can have a higher BAC without it effecting me as quickly.  I wasn’t out of control, my friends would have no reason to think I was impaired.  I learned in this class that the police know that at that time of night on that highway 6 out of 10 drivers are impaired.  So just randomly picking they do have better than a 50/50 chance of catching a drunk driver.  If they can profile the car they can raise these odds significantly.  I got caught and went to jail.

This is where life really begins to suck and a fate you might think twice about before putting yourself in.  The sheer cost alone is absurd:

• Bail $500
  
• Tow and Impound $165
  
• Lawyer $1,500 (this is super cheap for a good lawyer, but we have known each other 15 years and I was almost his son in law)
  
• SATOP Assessment $245 (this is mandated by the state to determine what treatment class you are subject too)
  
• SATOP Class $400 (This also could have been much worse the alternative i was first referred too was $1000 and 12 weeks, 3 nights a week for 2 hours a night.  You can’t get your license back til you complete this class.)
  
• SATOP Re Assessment $120 (more on this later)
  
• Fines: $1000
  
• SR22- $50 per month I believe for 2 years.  $1200
  
• License Reinstatement fee: $45
  
• Probation: $25 per month for 2 years: $600
  
• Increased Insurance: Killer.  I estimate about $75 per month increase for me lasting 2 years: $1800

This is alot of money.  You also are going to lose your license for 30-90.  Bumming rides really gets old after a while.  You can lose your job just for getting one in many jobs.  If you live a fair distance from work bumming rides or catching the bus can be impossible.  If you go to apply for a new job and they do a criminal or driving record check they will see it.  You lose an entire weekend to this class.  Lights out time, locked in a hotel room with a stranger, and basically in custody for 48 hours.  Taking off for court is always a joy.  Getting life insurance just got more expensive if possible at all.  You also do 2 years supervised probation so you will be taking off a couple hours one day a month to make a visit and pay a fee, maybe you’ll even get a random piss test..  Community service is also a great time.  These jobs aren’t real fun and 40 hours taking of your job to go clean kennels at the pound for free is not the ideal use of time.  Your third drunk driving charge in your entire life gets you charged with a felony.  Now you are doing jail time (federal pen) and after your release you are a convicted felon who can’t vote or own a gun.

So it just doesn’t seem worth it to drink anymore.  I’m not saying anyone else shouldn’t, but weigh the consequences.  I just choose not to drink.  It is a conscious decision.  I don’t meet the DSM-IV criteria for dependency so I don’t consider it a disease.  I am absolutely not “powerless to control my drinking.”  I do not need a higher power to save me from drinking.  I may still have the urge to drink, but I am capable of making the decision not to act upon it.  I may see a beautiful woman walking down the street and have the urge to see her naked, that doesn’t mean I am powerless to prevent myself from ripping her clothes off.  Humans are more evolved creatures for having control over their instincts and impulses.  Unless someone holds me down and pours booze down my throat I must make the purposeful decision to drink, therefore it is not a disease. 

The entire system is so filled with this Alcoholics Anonymous rhetoric.  Everyone seems to buy into this idea that alcoholism disease.  That an alcoholic is powerless over it and if you want to quit the best way to do so is to go to AA meetings and work the program.  AA works on a 12 step system.  The first step is to admit that you are an alcoholic and admit you are powerless to control your drinking.  Step two is to accept that the only way you can quit drinking is to get help from “a higher power”.  AA stays away from saying “God”.  They say your higher power can be anything you want it to be, yet in step 7 you ask this higher power to humbly remove our short comings and in step 11 you try to reach a higher level of consciousness towards god as you understand him.  Higher power sure sounds alot like a god to me.  My big problem is that the whole system sets people up for failure.  You start out telling someone they are powerless to control something and they become a victim of circumstance.  They can’t just stop drinking, it’s a disease.  When they give into temptation it has to be because their higher power wasn’t looking out for them.  Now that one drink with a friend or to calm their nerves before a date has turned into a whole bender.  Another common AA line is “one is too many and a thousand isn’t enough”.  These people have been taught to think this is their natural pattern of consumption due to their disease and now they are on a binge that lasts until something bad happens and makes them see the need to quit.  Not to worry AA will welcome them back with open arms.  You see the system didn’t fail them, they failed the system.  Instead of them seeing AA as ineffective in stopping them from drinking, they are told that the program works and the reason they drank again was because they didn’t follow the system.  Their line is “it works if you work it”.  No one seems to question this at all.  No other system in the world is judged by this standard.  If anyone in the program starts drinking, it is that persons fault for not following the program.  The program can never be wrong.

Granted I have only been sober for slightly over 4 months, but it can’t be any longer, it has only been four months.  Hope you learned something from this.  Hell if you made it to the end you are quite the trooper.

I’ve really had it with women.  If I hear one more woman complaining about how all men are jerks and how tough it is to find a good man I will verbally berate them within an inch of their life.  The self centeredness of women (particuarly the ones that spend their time in cyberspace) is absolutely absurd.

For evidence lets take a trip down my recent dating past.

Girl Number One:  Met a girl online (notice the trend begining) who seemed pretty cool.  Could tell pretty quick that she was a little bit nutty and into some pretty freaky stuff sexually (being smacked around, calling me daddy, being yelled at, etc), but she seemed like a good kid.  Note: I will refrain from posting any identifying info so if she reads this she won’t think I am trying to expose her.  Well in November she invites me over.  I made the mistake of letting things get to physical at her request.  We end up going out twice over the course of teh next month and she stands me up a few more times than that.  She is out of town visiting a friend for a good portion of that month.  When she returns we haver plans to go out on the first Saturday night.  Now she has started saying I love you and all this stuff that seemed incredibly premature, but I did care about her as a person and while the l word wasn’t close to coming out of this mouth I did think she was pretty serious.  She had insisted that I wasn’t dating anyone else so I complied.  Night of the big back to town date comes around and she calls and cancels.  The next day she lets me know that it is because she was out having sex with some guy she just met.  Pretty cool eh?  Well I guess that would bug me if not for the fact that the friend she was visiting proposed to her (they were banging the whole trip) and she mentioned that the first time we hooked up she had been banging some other guy hours earlier.  Classy stuff.  I am a perhaps too nice of a guy when I tell her that if she has a crisis she can still contact me.  Happens again a week later with some suicide trip because her mom wouldn’t let her borrow the car and I had reached my limits.

Onto girl number two.  She was the one who convinced me to start one of these things.  We were spending hours chatting (8 hours at the longest sitting) then one day she just up and disapears.  Sure she was still online, just decided not to talk to me.  She posts on her Xanga about how evil people can be in relationships with no comprehension of the irony that she had just done the same to me.

Girl Number Three.  She wasn’t a bad person, just had no sense of dating etiquette whatsoever.  We went out on a friday night for the first time and had a great time.  Sat neither of us had plans so we hung out again.  The next weekend she had her son so I took them both to Chuck E Cheese.  Problems that are forseeable at this point are that 1) she is already having me meet her son, and 2) every conversation we have is about the relationship.  Everyone has questions on where they stand when a relationship is new and I have no problems discussing them, but this is literally all this girl ever wanted to talk about.  The third weekend we went out one night and that was it.  The following weekend she had her son so nothing happened, but a few days later she wrote me this note ending it because she didn’t feel an emotional attachment developing on my part.  What the hell, after 3 weeks am I supposed to be proposing marriage and saying i love you.  I let that one go right away.  She said she wanted to remain friends, but that is a pointless proposition.  No one really wants to remain friends to hear about the next person you are dating and I prefer my friends to be a little less needy than that.

Brings us to girl number four.  This one is probably the biggest kicker.  i can handle being cheated on.  Heck I can handle being lied to.  This one was just a bit more cruel than the others.  We start talking an really hit things off.  I mean this was going amazingly well and I had fallen hard.  So after a couple weeks she drops a bomb on me and tells me she is married.  She had specifically told me she wasn’t previously, but she now says she didn’t think it would get this far and so she didn’t have the need to tell me.  She continues to tell me that she filed the papers long ago and that he refuses to comply.  They haven’t lived together for a while and he now lives a couple states away.  I decide that it isn’t that big of a deal and look past it.  So the next day i was expecting to hear from her and didn’t.  Didn’t hear from her the day after that either.  Now I am getting nervous because things were going so well and I was going to be without phone or email access for the entire weekend.  Finally on the third day in the afternoon I get an email from her mom that she was in the hospital and that she had sent her mom home specifically to see if I had written and to let me know what was going on.  I went from nervous to straight out worried.  2 days in a hospital is not a good thing.  I move heaven and earth to get the opportunity to call her on Sat night and her mom tells me she should be getting out of the hospital Sunday.  So Sunday night I run home to talk to her.  Nothing.  Now I am really worried.  Monday I run home to talk to her.  Nothing.  Now I am a bit paniced.  Tuesday (Valentines Day)  I run home to talk.  Nothing.  At this point I am calling every hospital in the area surrounding her house and checking the obituaries (literally).  The hospitals couldn’t confirm or deny that she was a patient for privacy reasons.  Wednesday (today) I run home.  Nothing.  I call her work hoping someone there might tell me what hospital she was in so I could at least send flowers and a card.  When I call her work a familiar voice answers.  She is back at work.  No call, no email, no nothing to let me know that she wasn’t dead.  I talk to her for a minute and she said it was her first day back at qwork and she hadn’t had a chance to get online.  No “I’m sorry i worried you”, no “when can I call you back”, just “I am staying with my folks and haven’t been able to get online, but you can call this weekend if you like.”  I thought women had put me through everything in the past, but having me worried that they are on deaths door and then not showing any concern for the hours of lost sleep and stress.  This one takes the cake. 

I finally started one of these things.  I have always felt they were a bit self important.  I mean do I really have anything important enough to say that anyone should read it.  I don’t suppose so.  A friend finally convinced me to start it though so I feel the first post should really be something important.  Quite frankly though it is 3:18 AM and the red bull is wearing off.

I turned 30 last month and I guess it got me a bit philosophical.  Since that makes me a bit older than most people on Xanga, I will share a few things I have learned in the past 10 years.

-Very little of what happens in High School really matters.  Don’t get arrested, become a parent, develope a drug habit, or drop out.  Other than that not much else you do can really prevent you from accheiving your gioals.  What is more important is to focus on what type of person you are.  No one remembers who was popular, but they do remember how you treated them.  When peer pressure, cliques, and popularity fade you still run into people.  You don’t want to be ashamed of how you treated them.

-A best friend is an important thing to have.  I have made many friends, lots of whom I spent more time with than my best friend.  Most of them have faded, but after 15 years I can go months without talking to my best friend without him giving me a hard time.  A friendship isn’t measured by idle chat, but by the quality of support, caring, and concern they provide.

-I never fail to amaze myself with the mistakes I make.  I have learned that making mistakes is part of who I am.  Everyone makes them, but you don’t see all of thiers.  Don’t beat yourself over your mistakes. Learn from your successes and your failures, you become a better person every time you learn from them.

-Your parents really did try the best they knew how.  They aren’t perfect but you won’t be either.  Until you become a parent you can’t understand how difficult it is.  Be grateful for what they give and patient with thier shortcomings, they were with your.

-The real reason not to have casual sex is not pregnancy or disease, although those are good reasons.  It is because someday you will meet someone you want to spend the rest of your life with.  They will ask about your past and you want them to be pleased with your answers.  If not the shame is unbearable.

-Wear your seatbelt, drive the speed limit, and don’t drive drunk.  The world is a dangerous place.  Death can come knocking at your door at anytime.  You can choose to send it an invite or lock the deadbolt.  There are things worth dying for, driving like a jackass is not one of them.

That’s it.  I am sure the person I was 10 years ago would think this is pretty lame, but if experience has taught me anything it is that I am far cooler than I was them by not caring so much about whether I am cool or not.