So true tales of a Hooters Manager is upcoming, but again another update might be in order.  I had helpd up on the Hooters stories until after a party this week thinking hanging out with another manager might jog some memories.  This party was worth an update of it’s own though.

Tom has been a manager for about 3 years and was transfered out there to open a store in columbia.  He had recently left the company to take a job in Australia with a franchisee overseeing new openings.  The first thing that gets beat into your head at Hooters is to stay away from the girls.  If you walk into a bar and one of them is there, you are to leave.  If you are sitting at a bar and one walks in (of a hispanis busboy for that matter), you pay your tab and leave.  There has to be that distance for it to work.  So really 90% of their managers are completely above the board.  The girls understand it for the most part, and you just form more of a big brother relationship with them.  That doesn’t mean that each one that starts doesn’t try making puppy dog eyes or fake tears to get their way, but I would ususally just look at them and say “Do you know what I do for a living, I was immune to that shit long ago.”  Soon they realize you aren’t going to give into it.

A word at this point is probably in order trying to paint a more appropriate picture of the Hooters Girl.  There are alot of miconceptions about them.  Most people think they are promiscuous, stripper wannabe, big boobs, airheaded, and unintellegent.  Many are, but not most.  I had 4 virgins, several A cups, a bartender in Med School, a server in law school, a server finishing her masters and working on her PhD in herpetology, and many girls working on legit degrees.  Don’t get me wrong, there was always a stupid former stripper with fake boobs around if you needed to feel smart again.  I would say the one common factor that makes a good Hooters girl is that she is attractive to extremely attractive, aware of that, not afraid to make money because of it, and self confident.  Now this makes for a strange crew to try and manage.  Imagine if you will the varsity cheerleading squad from four area high schools forced to work together.  It was alot like high school with the drama.  Only in high school, it wasn’t all pretty girls and they had far less practice.  Rumors and cat fights were a huge pain in the ass.  This was also most of their first jobs and my average age was 19.  Not the most motivated hard working demographic you could select.

Now as a manager you get somewhat jaded.  Your job is to staff your restaurant with a staff of 9s and 10s.  You really develope that mentality where your staff and applicant are constantly being rated.  Before you even sit down for an interview you have decided whether or not she is even eligible for the job.  It sucks, and it is a crappy way to think, but it is the way you have to think.  Hooters doesn’t work if I come up to the table to greet you.  The customers come to see the girls and we have to meet thier expectations.  This sometimes means you are losing beautiful women quicker than you can replace them.  This is when you recruit.  If you ever wondered if you could be a hooters girl, go eat there.  If a manager hasn’t sent a girl over before you leave and you are sure he got a good look at you, it is prboably not a good sign.  Whenever we saw someone we might want to interview we would have their girl approach them with the idea.  If this didn’t keep us staffed we would go on “Recruiting Safaris”.  This is where a manager would go out with a few girls and go to places where attractive women congregate (bars, clubs, campuses, etc).  Everybody would dress up, the girls made like $15 an hour, and they recieved $50 for everygirl who cam in and was hired.  So I would sit back at a table at a club, point out attrctive women and have the girls approach them.  The first time I did this was one of the more surreal points in the job.

SO back to the party.  We meet up at this trendy Sushi/Sake bar.  Eat and meet up with several of his friends and the girls.  We then hit the stretch hummer limo to role around town drinking champagne.  Do note that when I say drink I don’t mean sipping.  Hardcore powerdrinking commenced for most as soon as we arrived.  I however remained sober the entire evening.  After about an hour and a half rolling around we went to the club.  This was some super trendy place you had to go down a back alley to get in.  Good size and had the whole place open on an off night to host our gathering.  That is when they started showing up.  Near the end this party was about 15 guys and about 45 women all of which were 9s and 10s.  Everyone dressed up and the women (remember the aware of their attractiveness and not afraid to use it to their advantage) looking amazing.  Tom was like the last deer in the woods during hunting season.  Women litterally throwing themselves at him.  Cattiness breaking out everywhere.  It was fun to be a sober observer on the evening.  Last call hit at about 1:30 so we regathered mass and headed to the strip club.  Now we brought in more girls and far more attractive girls than worked at the club so we paid no cover.  It closed shortly after and we headed out to after bars at some guys place.  Got back to the hotel around 4:30.  Feel sorry for our neighbors.  The night auditor probably got a good show on the hot tub cam.

So without further ado.  Things overheard at the party:

As the channel in the hotel room was turned to Fox News: “Change it, I’m hardcore man.  I don’t watch any sort of news.”

“Hey wanna come blow me in the bathroom?  I mean I am going to have it out anyway.”

Random women after making out with a friend form KC “Women are always great kissers.  Every woman I’ve ever kissed was a great kisser.  Have you ever ate pussy before?  Man that stuff sucks.”

Same girl wins convo of the night

Girl “You look really familiar”

Guy “We if you are friends with Tom we have probably met”

Girl: “I don’t think so, weren’t you at that five person orgy over at Ricks?”

Guy: “I don’t think so”

Girl: “Yeah you were, i got a picture of you smacking my ass”

Guy: “I don’t remember that”

Girl: “I’m sure it was you, not sure if you were doing anything but you were definately there”

Guy: “Are you thinking of the one at Ryan’s house?”

Girl: “I’m not sure”

Guy: “I think I remember that, but it was definately at Ryans.”

This conversation is wrong on so many levels:

Level one: This girl admits to being in five person orgy

Level Two: Girl admits to having pictures of said five person orgy

Level Three: Guy was aparantly at five person orgy, yet doesn’t remember.

Now trust me friends, i am no prude.  I however have searched all my memories and recall no five person orgies in my past.  No pictures exist of any five person orgy.  If I was ever at a five person orgy, I would certainly remember.  As a matter of fact my great great great great grandsons would be telling thier kids of the time I was in a five person orgy.

Give me a quite bar, good conversation, and an interesting woman any night.