Second update of the day, Damn I’m bored

So down below is another update.  I recommend all my loyal readers (all five of you) read both.

I was initially going to leave this story as a comment for someone.  I thought though that if there is much I have learned about life and that is truly what i hope to document here, this is probably a story i should share.  It’s a tough story to share, but it is a good message for all.  Most of my friends don’t know this story and I’m not sure any of my family does.

My grandmother was definately one of the most influential people in my life.  Not sure quite how to express this topic, but sufficent to say coming up on the fifth anniversary of her death, I still miss her everyday.

She had been sick for a while.  A smoker (yeah i know) she had a variety of lung ailments and while mentally sharp she was physically deteriorating.  Before she died I was living in California.  I had come home to visit and went to see her right before I left.  We talked, I always had the best times just sitting and talking to her.  As I was leaving she gave me a very long hug.  Crying she told me, “I always want you to remember, life never gives you more than you can handle.”  I walked away that day feeling different.  I knew she was sick, but you never think it will be the last time you see someone you love, but she already knew.

When I got back to CA there was a message from my sis.  I saw it on the caller ID and didn’t bother returning her call.  I figured she just wanted to make sure I got home OK.  It had been a long day i decided to return the call in the morning.  She called back and told me that my grandma had gone off her medicine uped her pain medication and would not last much longer.  I was angry at first that she had done this the night I left.  Why not tell me so I could stay with her?  I was told she wanted me to go back to CA.  That I didn’t need to be there for it.  She had seen me and got to visit before she moved on.  The next two weeks were some of the toughest of my life.  Sitting at work dreading the phone ringing.  Instead of taking the time to to cope, I was just numb,  Finally I booked a flight back home and the day before I departed she passed away.

When I got back we went to her house.  The rest of the family left and I was there alone.  I am not sure if I ever cried harder.  Those moments are forever etched in my memory.  Looking out the kitchen window with all her knick knacks oer the back porch, just as she had done so many times when I was a kid playing in her back yard.  I fell to the ground and cried.

I knew I had to keep it together for the families sake.  I hadn’t been there for the two weeks before she died.  It was my time to be strong.  I did pretty good except as the funeral procession passed a work crew on Antioch road.  The workers all took off thier helmets.  Drops of Jupiter was on the radio and I still can’t listen to that song.

That night I sat with my best friend at his apartment.  We had several beers and I was really letting it all out.  Jame’s father had died when he was a senior in high school.  He was weak for a long time near the end and James spent alot of time talking with his dad as he took care of him.  I finally completely lost my composure telling him what my Grandmother had said to me right before he died.  For the first time in our 15 year relationship (including the night his father died) James started to cry.  He told me that was exactly what his father’s last words to him were.

I’m not too sure about Death or what comes after.  I do know that at the moment his father and my grandmother had accepted their passing, they each had the same thought to share.  This leads me to believe that at the time of our death we become aware of one inevitable truth, Life never gives you more than you can handle.

Think about that next time life seems overwhelming.